How I have been learning on my own mistakes….

Elena Schmidt, UK

I would like to share my thoughts and observations about international relationship.

I have been looking for my “prince” for 4 years. Not because it was so difficult to find, I think because I was not in hurry and in the beginning it was just a hobby for me and possibility to learn other cultures and to learn languages.

Also, like probably for many other girls, it was a thirst to correspond with somebody from other countries.

Russia for a long time has been “behind an iron bar” and when we got a possibility to raise it a bit - in some way it was like a miracle. Any way, I looked aside.

In the beginning, like probably many other, I was naïve and trustful and when after 2-3 weeks of correspondence with my first foreigner, it was an Englishman, he just disappeared, without saying goodbye, after words of love and promises of happiness - for me it was like a shock. How it could be? Man so middle-aged (he was 15 years older me) and behaved so terrible and meanly.

After that I have learned a lot and became more cynical I guess. I didn’t believe first words of love, I began to write to several guys at once and for me it was a big experience and I want to share it now with others. Maybe it will help you to avoid disappointments and broken hearts and hopes.

I think the biggest mistake of our Russian girls are that we all think that if we will write to men that we are good housekeepers, love to cook and to make house cosy we will conquer men.

My dear, situation changed for a long time already and foreigners are not so much interested our pancakes and home cosiness. Just opposite, it scares a lot of men.

What men can we meet in Internet?

OK, 90% these are decent, educated and good guys, who probably will become good husbands, but these are men of the middle class and income and I don’t think you will find millionaires among them.

So, by promising men in advance that you are going to stay at home after marriage, you will loose him. Who needs a wife, who will sit all the time on husband’s neck, while he will be working and providing a whole family?

Old fashioned time passed and maybe foreign men are disappointed in the women of their own countries, but they don’t want to put on the neck a Russian wife and I think it’s not bad.

If you will not work, you will not be able to integrate in a new environment, you will not have good communication and it will be more difficult to learn a new language. You will have too little in common with your own husband and different life rhythm will be just a minus.

My second experience came from a friend of mine, who corresponded with an American man, like friends and who wrote once; if you correspond with a guy and he tells that he has a house, it doesn’t really mean, he has it! It means that a bank own it and it can take many many years, before it will be his”

Before I got this information, one of the criteria of me choosing a guy was if he has his own house. After what I heard I began to ask men this question and it appeared that 99% of foreigners till 45-50 years old don’t own their houses, but paying back loans they took for buying houses.

Well, I will stop here and will continue to share my experience with you later.

Now I already married in a new country and I have a lot of free time and lack of Russian communication, so it’s nice to “talk with somebody” and to share my thoughts with others.